Bootsie in the Sky

I started counseling yesterday. I was talking to her about my difficulty on how to figure out how to grieve.

She suggested a ritual, or some way to memorialize our baby. One of her ideas was planting a tree.

I didn't want to plant a tree because the tree would stay in NJ. If we owned a home, I would definitely had done this in our own yard. So, my mind began churning of ideas when the perfect one came to mind. When I mentioned it to Sean, he loved the idea too.

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We named a star in the Cancer constellation Bootsie. We chose the Cancer constellation, as our baby would have been a Cancer.

I remember when I was a kid, my mom used to tell me that I was just a star in the sky before I was born. I thought back to that. This is the most appropriate memorial we could have possibly done.

I think this will help Sean and I eventually to come at peace with our loss. And although we will never have a grave to visit or memories to think back on, we can always look up to the sky and talk to our baby.

Now our Bootsie star will forever be in the sky. And Bootsie can help pick out the next star(s) that will become our earth baby. And when our earth baby (babies) gets older, we can look up at the sky with them and explain that they have a sibling who is always watching over them. And we can explain how much we love our angel babies just as much as we love them.