Progress

"Did you find out what you're having yet?"

"I have a lot of respect for you because you're finishing the program and you're pregnant. How is that going?"

These are two questions I had to answer this week. And I was able to talk about it without crying. Also, yesterday was the first day since we found out that I didn't cry. So, I've made progress.

Don't get me wrong. My heart is still in a million pieces. I still have days where I'm incredibly sad. I'm still experiencing the anger. I can't really look at pictures my friends are posting of their kids. But, one step at a time.

Since we are still in the waiting period of finding out why this happened and because we haven't gotten the all clear for trying again yet, I'm trying to refocus my energy on three things:

1. School

2. Exercise

3. Job Hunting

I only have 8 weeks of class left. By the way, 8 weeks of class left for school FOREVER. I'm done after this. A Master's Degree is all I'll ever need. So, yeah. D-U-N. The majority of my schoolwork this semester is group work. So, I'm just trying to be a good group member and get things done. Plus. You guys. I'm so ready to graduate. You remember in high school getting senioritis? Yeah, it's like that, except 100 times worse.

I gained probably 10-15 lbs during my pregnancy. Which I'm now trying to lose. I'm hoping to be pregnant again in a few months and I need to get my body as healthy as possible for that. Plus, exercise does make me feel good. So, I've been getting back into running. Sean and I are signed up for a 5 mile race in April. So, I have 2 months to get ready for that. Not that I think I'll necessarily be ready for a 5 mile run, but I bet I can run a little more than half of that. I've also been thinking about joining Weight Watchers again to help with the weight loss. I've been watching what I'm eating, measuring portions, etc. My goal is to lose at least 10 pounds before graduation. I think I can do it.

Now that plans have changed, I'm on the job track. I've updated my resume, I've drafted a cover letter. I plan to send my resume to as many places in Columbia as possible. I've decided to wait until I get home to take the social work license test. I think it'll just be so much easier than way. But, I am taking a class this month to prepare for the test. I do miss working and I can't wait to have a job again. Although obviously, I'd much rather have Bootsie and put off working until the fall.

Next week, Sean and I are going to a support group. I'm really looking forward to that. I'm really looking forward to talking to a group of people who actually KNOW what we're going through. I also see my counselor again next week. I'm taking care of myself the best I can to heal my mind, spirit and heart. This certainly hasn't been easy, but I know that I'm handling it the best I can. I know I'll be ok. And I really feel like the next baby will be ours to take home.