The "I" Word

Infertility.

There, I said it.

I've been afraid to use that word to describe my situation. Like, if I said it...it would change something. It would make me feel less capable. Less able to win the battle. But, I've been mostly afraid to say it because I've been in denial. But, clearly that's what we're dealing with here.

Our one year "anniversary" of trying to conceive (TTC) is coming up. I stopped the pill at the end of October last year. I never thought I'd be here...a year later, with no pregnancy, no baby. I certainly never thought I'd be here a year later, only 4 cycles under my belt and one miscarriage.

I try to think that everything happens for a reason. I mean, there has to be some reason for the frustration, tears and heartache. I know that when I finally do get that sticky/take home baby, it will all be worth it. Not that I wouldn't have before, but I'm going to appreciate every moment with my child. I just can't wait for it to be my time.

The past year has taught me a lot. Patience. Gratitude. I'm thankful that our insurance covers fertility treatments. That's been a blessing.

Anyway, so I'm now on my second cycle of Clomid. I took it days 3-7. On Friday, I had to go in for my monitoring ultrasound. I had several 11mm follicles and one 14mm follicle, so I wasn't quite ready yet. I had to go back yesterday for another ultrasound and I had a 17mm follicle (like last time)! I should ovulate within the next 5 days or so, so that's that.

I was recently asked why I write this blog. Why I share it. Most importantly, it's therapeutic for me. I can get my thoughts out of my head. The reason I share it is because I know there are many others out there going through what I'm going through. I hope that others stumble on to my blog and it helps them. Makes them feel like they aren't alone. I've gotten nothing but positive feedback, so it's nice to have that support as well.

So again...keeping my fingers crossed. Baby Ford in 2013!