Epiphany

You ever have one of those "ah-ha" moments? An "oh shit" moment? I had one today. But first, let me talk about my shitty week.

Y'all. It's been a shitty week. I'm still dealing with my emotions from the miscarriage. It doesn't help that I couldn't keep my mouth shut and told way too many people about being pregnant. It's really awesome telling a bunch of people you lost your baby. Ugh. Now I know for next time..

About 2 weeks ago, my uncle was in the hospital. He was pretty sick. He had an internal bleed but they weren't sure from where. Anyway, he got better! He went home! Everything was going well as far as I knew. But this week being the shittiest week ever, I should have known better.

My mom called me and let me know that my Uncle was falling. Having a hard time keeping himself up. So ended back up in the hospital and now he's in a nursing home in rehab. My mom told me he has been saying some bizarre things, some of which were very upsetting to my mom because they involved my grandparents. My uncle has had Schizophrenia most of his life. He's been very stable for years and years. I tried to explain to my mom that it wasn't really him talking and that his mental is obviously not stable and to ask the nursing home to keep an eye on him. Something isn't right, right now with him. I guess I'm thankful he's being monitored and not home alone.

But after I got off the phone with my mom, I cried. Again. For like the billionth time this week. The thought of my uncle in a nursing home breaks my heart. My uncle and I used to be really close. He'd watch me sometimes. I know that the nursing home is temporary. Or at least it should be. But from my own work experience, it seems that once people start to decline, they decline. Sure, some get better. I hope my Uncle is one of those people.

This is where my epiphany happened.

I've been in social work for a few years now and I've talked to families about putting their loved one in a nursing home. I'm currently in a psyc hospital at my internship. I talk to families every day about how their loved one is doing and their concern. Not that I didn't have empathy before...but now, it has clicked. I FEEL what they are feeling. I'm hoping this will make me a better social worker, But of course, I wish the epiphany had happened in a different way.

This is one of the many reasons I'm ready to go home. I feel like I'm needed there. I want to be there for my uncle and my mom and step dad. These next 7 months can't fly by fast enough...