I remember having a conversation with my mom when I was 20 or so...saying that I didn't really think I wanted to have kids. But, who actually knows what they want at 20? Not many.
As the years went on, the idea of having children became more appealing. Once I met Sean...I knew I wanted to have his babies.
Jump to the end of October. I stopped taking the pill...and we were gonna just see what happens. After I didn't get a period my first month..I thought... Wow, maybe I could be one of those lucky people that just gets pregnant automatically and it'll be great. Negative pregnancy test. This fun little cycle went on for the next 3 months.
Jump to this past Monday. I had an appointment with my doctor. I was due for my annual visit anyway, but also...no period for 4 months. Based on my history and my current symptoms, my doctor suspected that I have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS). You can google it, if you like, to get the specifics...but basically my body is bad at producing the right amount of hormones, so they are all out of whack. This causes all sorts of fun things. Luckily, I don't have any of the body hair producing symptoms, but it is the reason why I haven't had a period in 4 months. Also, it causes fertility issues. Great.
She took a couple of vials of blood to confirm her suspicion. There isn't a test for PCOS...but your hormone levels indicate it, basically. I got the call today that her suspicion was right. I was hoping she'd be wrong.
So, now I have to take Metformin (which is a medicine diabetics take). I'm not sure how, but it may help level out my hormones. I also need to lose weight. But, I'm working on this anyway, so that's a moot point. Between the medicine and the weight loss...I hope that my levels get to where they need to be and my body starts ovulating. Otherwise, I'll be on to fertility medicine.
Add this to the pile of things Sean and I haven't had easy. I mean, good lord. Can we not catch any breaks...anywhere? Nothing seems to be easy. After my appointment on Monday, I cried. For a good 10 minutes, at least. I feel like less of a woman. I feel really discouraged.
But I have to keep going. I have no other choice. We both want to start a family and both determined. I just have to keep telling myself this...
Thursday, February 16, 2012
Saturday, February 11, 2012
Fat Girl Problems
Even if I ever get down to my "ideal" weight...I will always be a chunky girl at heart. (But hopefully not literally...cuz you know I'm not trying to have heart disease)
Anyway...
My first, G, and I started tweeting a few weeks ago #fatgirlproblems. And we both think they are hilarious and I thought I'd share with the world because...I mean. We'd be doing a disservice NOT to share them...
Anyway...
My first, G, and I started tweeting a few weeks ago #fatgirlproblems. And we both think they are hilarious and I thought I'd share with the world because...I mean. We'd be doing a disservice NOT to share them...
- fork dipped in dressing instead of dressing on salad
#fatgirlproblems - being told you have a pretty face and/or good personality
#fatgirlproblems - paying more for clothes
#fatgirlproblems - pretending one cookie is enough
#fatgirlproblems - avoiding wicker furniture (like papasans)
#fatgirlproblems (side joke, but applicable, none the less) - Wearing your jeans more than once to reduce muffin top #fatgirlproblems
- I can eat this whole bag of almonds...cuz they are healthy.
#fatgirlproblems - Checking the calorie count on rice cakes
#fatgirlproblems - it doesn't count if it's the weekend
#fatgirlproblems - Rolling your eyes when skinny girls complain that they are fat.
#fatgirlproblems - it's 11 and I'm ready for lunch.
#fatgirlproblems - I feel like I get an eye roll when I order a diet soda with my value meal.
#fatgirlproblems - when the waiter at Olive Garden automatically brings you more salad...
#fatgirlproblems - yogurt instead of sour cream
#fatgirlproblems - shopping in the maternity section
#fatgirlproblems - eating more/worse than you should after a workout because "you've earned it"
#fatgirlproblems - loud shoes cause far more stress than they should.
#fatgirlproblems - the panicked scan of the car for food smells/wrappers anytime a passenger gets in
#fatgirlproblems - I can't wear heels with a lot of straps, as they look like sausages being wrapped.
#fatgirlproblems
If you're laughing...you know these are true. No offense is meant by this post...only to lighten the mood. If you can't laugh at yourself...then what can you laugh at?
Monday, February 6, 2012
My Love
I know there's still a week 'til Valentine's Day, but I need to write this now since school is about to get real, real fast. And because I'm the most romantic person on earth, I will be spending Valentine's Day at my practicum all day and then class until 10 at night. We do have reservations at the Melting Pot the Saturday after though :) Anyone who doesn't enjoy corniness can leave now, because I'm about to gush all over the place. (giggity)
Sean is the love of my life. He's given me so much in the almost 3 years we've been together. He took what I thought about love and redefined it...took it to a whole new level. I knew from a very early point in our relationship that I was going to marry him. The first picture taken of us says it all:
Pure happiness. He's shown me the true definition of unconditional love. He's supportive of my goals and dreams. He wants to see the world with me. He brought Tank in to my life. He's introduced me to amazing people. He makes me laugh every day. He sees the humor in the shittiest of situations. He's smart. He's motivated and driven. He's strong-willed. He makes me feel beautiful, even on the worst days. And he's pretty cute ;)
Our journey has already put us through challenging times, but he remains determined. He helps me see the light when I feel like there's no hope. Our marriage grows stronger every day.
I'm not sure how I was so lucky to have met him. I'm grateful to have him in my life and as my partner in life. I can't wait until we start our family. He's my rock. My everything.
Sean is the love of my life. He's given me so much in the almost 3 years we've been together. He took what I thought about love and redefined it...took it to a whole new level. I knew from a very early point in our relationship that I was going to marry him. The first picture taken of us says it all:
Pure happiness. He's shown me the true definition of unconditional love. He's supportive of my goals and dreams. He wants to see the world with me. He brought Tank in to my life. He's introduced me to amazing people. He makes me laugh every day. He sees the humor in the shittiest of situations. He's smart. He's motivated and driven. He's strong-willed. He makes me feel beautiful, even on the worst days. And he's pretty cute ;)
Our journey has already put us through challenging times, but he remains determined. He helps me see the light when I feel like there's no hope. Our marriage grows stronger every day.
I'm not sure how I was so lucky to have met him. I'm grateful to have him in my life and as my partner in life. I can't wait until we start our family. He's my rock. My everything.
Saturday, February 4, 2012
Extreme
Why do we always wait until the extreme of something happens to appreciate what we have? To get help?
At my practicum, one of my clients recently ended up in the hospital. He was not taking care of himself as he should have been. He ended up getting a pretty bad infection and will now be in a rehab facility for the next full months. (And I don't mean drug/alcohol rehab...more like physical therapy type of rehab). He apparently is now saying that he has realized he needs help.
Why does it seem like it's human nature to do this? We let things get so bad and then everything blows up? Do we think we can handle it? Do we fear appearing weak if we accept help? Do we just take what we have for granted? I suppose the answer to this will be different for everyone.
But it got me thinking about my life and the things I take for granted. In particular, my friends and family. When I lived in KC, I should have visited my mom more frequently. I should have seen my friends more often. But, it's so easy to take them for granted. "Oh, I'll see them next month." "There will be another time."
Being in New Jersey has definitely kicked my ass in more ways than one. And if Sean and I do end up moving back to KC...I do not plan to be the same person. I am going to see my family on a regular basis. I will see my friends. I won't put off doing all this. Because you never know what the universe has in store for you. Don't waste opportunities. Don't let pettiness destroy strong relationships.
I miss you all. <3
At my practicum, one of my clients recently ended up in the hospital. He was not taking care of himself as he should have been. He ended up getting a pretty bad infection and will now be in a rehab facility for the next full months. (And I don't mean drug/alcohol rehab...more like physical therapy type of rehab). He apparently is now saying that he has realized he needs help.
Why does it seem like it's human nature to do this? We let things get so bad and then everything blows up? Do we think we can handle it? Do we fear appearing weak if we accept help? Do we just take what we have for granted? I suppose the answer to this will be different for everyone.
But it got me thinking about my life and the things I take for granted. In particular, my friends and family. When I lived in KC, I should have visited my mom more frequently. I should have seen my friends more often. But, it's so easy to take them for granted. "Oh, I'll see them next month." "There will be another time."
Being in New Jersey has definitely kicked my ass in more ways than one. And if Sean and I do end up moving back to KC...I do not plan to be the same person. I am going to see my family on a regular basis. I will see my friends. I won't put off doing all this. Because you never know what the universe has in store for you. Don't waste opportunities. Don't let pettiness destroy strong relationships.
I miss you all. <3
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
Adulthood: Destroying your childhood memories since 2002!
I turned 18 in 2002. So, according to the law, I was an adult.
Fast forward to last weekend. "Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory is on! Wait...is it the original or that mess they called a remake? The original! Awesome." So, I watched it and immediately had several questions that I tweeted:
I'm watching the original Willy Wonka and I have questions. #1 - the candy store owner is totally a pedo, right?
#2 - where the hell does Charlie live? Cuz his surroundings say England but his voice says...somewhere like Cleveland or something.
#3 - four old people in a bed?? And they haven't been out of bed in 20 years?? They need to be hotlined. #bedsores #Wonka
#4 - cabbage water?? Wtf is that? And isn't cabbage the worst thing to give old people? #gas #Wonka
#5 who has the last name of Bucket? Like..the writer was like hmm..how can I make him sound poor. I know! Last name holds gross water!
At this point I stopped tweeting about the movie. Because it was kind of breaking my heart! I LOVED this movie when I was a child. But my adult mind can't enjoy it because it brings up WAY too many logical questions:
Why are all the children (besides Charlie) insufferable?
Does the German kid have diabetes? My guess is yes.
Did Veruca Salt grow up to become a failed pop star? That's what I think. Her dad could buy her whatever she wanted..including making her own CDs. I imagine that wouldn't go well. (Yes...I'm aware there is actually a performer named Veruca Salt & in no way am I saying this is her!)
The TV Kid. Still living at home, right? V Card fully in tact?
Did Violet have to have elective surgery to have her extra skin removed? Cuz your body can't bounce back from that shit.
The Oompaloompas. Slaves, right? Because at the end when (SPOILER ALERT) Willy Wonka gives the factory to Charlie, he says "Who will look after the Oompaloompas" like they were pets or something!
Speaking of Oompaloompas...radiation poisoning, right? I mean...orange skin? They need to see a doctor.
Charlie should consider how his taxes will look once he accepts the factory. That shit should get pricey.
Willy Wonka: Totally mentally ill.
You see? A good childhood memory ruined. Good news is though that I do have a lot of dreams still. Adult dreams. Although they don't involve flying cards or unicorns, I think they're pretty good. And totally attainable.
Fast forward to last weekend. "Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory is on! Wait...is it the original or that mess they called a remake? The original! Awesome." So, I watched it and immediately had several questions that I tweeted:
I'm watching the original Willy Wonka and I have questions. #1 - the candy store owner is totally a pedo, right?
#3 - four old people in a bed?? And they haven't been out of bed in 20 years?? They need to be hotlined. #bedsores #Wonka
#5 who has the last name of Bucket? Like..the writer was like hmm..how can I make him sound poor. I know! Last name holds gross water!
At this point I stopped tweeting about the movie. Because it was kind of breaking my heart! I LOVED this movie when I was a child. But my adult mind can't enjoy it because it brings up WAY too many logical questions:
Why are all the children (besides Charlie) insufferable?
Does the German kid have diabetes? My guess is yes.
Did Veruca Salt grow up to become a failed pop star? That's what I think. Her dad could buy her whatever she wanted..including making her own CDs. I imagine that wouldn't go well. (Yes...I'm aware there is actually a performer named Veruca Salt & in no way am I saying this is her!)
The TV Kid. Still living at home, right? V Card fully in tact?
Did Violet have to have elective surgery to have her extra skin removed? Cuz your body can't bounce back from that shit.
The Oompaloompas. Slaves, right? Because at the end when (SPOILER ALERT) Willy Wonka gives the factory to Charlie, he says "Who will look after the Oompaloompas" like they were pets or something!
Speaking of Oompaloompas...radiation poisoning, right? I mean...orange skin? They need to see a doctor.
Charlie should consider how his taxes will look once he accepts the factory. That shit should get pricey.
Willy Wonka: Totally mentally ill.
You see? A good childhood memory ruined. Good news is though that I do have a lot of dreams still. Adult dreams. Although they don't involve flying cards or unicorns, I think they're pretty good. And totally attainable.
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