It shouldn't be a surprise to anyone that knows me that I am and have never been the most confident person. I second guess myself all the time. Stress about the "what ifs." Stop mysel from saying things or doing things in fear of people thinking I'm stupid, don't make sense or just pure rejection.
Today at my practicum, my supervisor had a very real conversation with me. She told me I'm a leader. She told me I have so much potential. She told me that I'm bright and receptive. She told me that there aren't many people in her life that "get it." Her life!
She basically feels like I am staying in my comfort zone and just "getting by" at my pracitcum and she's right. And I told her she's right. She feels as though if I don't get out of my comfort zone, I'm going to waste my skills. I told her she was right about that too. She asked me what I was afraid of. Rejection. Being uncomfortable. Myself.
Being made fun of growing up certainly didn't give me any sort of confidence boosts. I didn't think I was anything special. In fact, I thought I was a nobody. Once I graudated high school and went to college, I blended in. I didn't really join clubs. I did what I was supposed to do in terms of school work and that was about it. Until my senior year. My professors loved my research project. They told me it was good. They encouraged me to present it at the psychology conference (which I did). And it was fine!
The 4 year relationship with my ex also didn't help my confidence. He never complimented me. Everything was always my fault. I wasn't appreciated and I could feel it. But I didn't think I could do better. (Luckily...I came to my senses on that one...).
I don't take compliments well. Mainly because I didn't get many of them growing up (outside of my mom, of course). When my supervisor was saying all this good stuff about me, I actually teared up. I really look up to her and respect her. She thinks I'm awesome, basically. I didn't know how to handle that! When Sean & I started dating, he complimented me (and still does) all the time. I didn't know how to handle that! Why is taking compliments so hard for me?
Why am I so afraid to put myself out there professionally? I mean, in other aspects of my life...when I want to do something...I do it! I wanted to go to college? Done. When I got out of the relationship with my ex, I wanted to find the man I deserved. Done. I wanted to go to grad school? Done! I wanted to lose weight? Done. I can do anything I set my mind to. But why am I so afraid to be successful? I know that I have the skills to be a great social worker. I have great people skills and I've always been able to gain people's trust.
I have to be done with worrying about what other people think. It's time to stop letting others make me feel like a success or failure - that is within me. I know I can be successful. Yes, stepping outside of your comfort zone is hard...but the more you step outside your comfort zone, the bigger your comfort zone gets.
"You aren't mediocre, Sarah. Don't settle for it."
Friday, January 27, 2012
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Get a job, ya bum!
It makes me cringe when someone is talking about homelessness and they say "Well, they just need to get jobs." Uh...what?
If you know even the tiniest bit about homelessness, you know it's not just that simple. For one, in this economy, even people with PhD's can't get jobs! But even in a good economy, telling a homeless person to get a job is not the solution.
Now, let me preface this by saying...I know there are people out there who "act" or "play" like they are homeless when they really aren't. I know there are people out there who take advantage of people by telling them they are homeless.There are even some people out there who LIKE to be homeless, believe it or not. They prefer to be off the grid, for one reason or another. Maybe they have no family, or maybe that family is who they are hiding from. But I'd say the majority of people who say they are homeless...are homeless.
You know what the fastest growing homeless population is? Kids. These are tough times - parents are losing jobs, foreclosing on homes and running out of unemployment benefits. Families are living in shelters or living with relatives who can't really accommodate them. There are kids living in cars or on the streets. My fear is that these kids will remain homeless past the age of 18 and add to the growing number of homeless individuals. And think about it: if homelessness is what you know, how would you know to get out of it? Sure, there will be those really determined people who want the rags to riches story. They will seek the resources and get themselves out. But the majority aren't going to be motivated or know how to do this. If they are homeless, more than likely, education is not top priority.
I wrote a paper last year (with a group of girls) about homelessness in teens. What you have are young adults who are trying to survive. So, what do they do? Prostitute. Drug deliveries. Hang with the wrong people. Pregnancy. STDs/HIV. There are so many issues that deal with this population in particular....it's scary. Do you think that finding a job is on their mind? No. Survival is.
So what about the "old" guys? The guys you see on the street that have been on the street for a while. You wanna tell them to get a job? Ok...let's see. They may be illiterate. Do you think they have access to nice clothes for an interview? What about a shower? Resume paper? Do you think they have computer skills to make a resume? Do you think they even have skills to put on their resume? What if they have (and a lot do) mental health issues? Health issues? If I was homeless and had to do all this to get a job...I'd feel overwhelmed...wouldn't you?
Also...you know the women who you may think are lazy and don't want to work? They have 3 kids and "live off the government?" They may work part time. But let me tell you something: these women don't have a choice but to stay where they are. Sure, the government is paying their childcare while they work their part-time minimum wage job. But what's going to motivate them to get a better job? If they earn a dollar more per week , they lose their benefits. If they lose their benefits...they don't have childcare. They don't have food stamps. They have no support system in their life to help them while they try to get better.
And again...yes there are people who take advantage of the system. I'm very aware of this. But the majority of people who get help...really need it. And then then they are stigmatized by the people who do take advantage.
So...before you mutter the words "they should just get a job" just take a minute to think. This isn't a people problem - but a system problem. The system is set up in a way to make people dependent. There need to be systemic changes. I don't have the answers - I have some ideas. But...until the system changes and keeps people dependent on assistance, people who need the help...need the help. Don't stigmatize someone or think they are lazy.
PSA. :)
If you know even the tiniest bit about homelessness, you know it's not just that simple. For one, in this economy, even people with PhD's can't get jobs! But even in a good economy, telling a homeless person to get a job is not the solution.
Now, let me preface this by saying...I know there are people out there who "act" or "play" like they are homeless when they really aren't. I know there are people out there who take advantage of people by telling them they are homeless.There are even some people out there who LIKE to be homeless, believe it or not. They prefer to be off the grid, for one reason or another. Maybe they have no family, or maybe that family is who they are hiding from. But I'd say the majority of people who say they are homeless...are homeless.
You know what the fastest growing homeless population is? Kids. These are tough times - parents are losing jobs, foreclosing on homes and running out of unemployment benefits. Families are living in shelters or living with relatives who can't really accommodate them. There are kids living in cars or on the streets. My fear is that these kids will remain homeless past the age of 18 and add to the growing number of homeless individuals. And think about it: if homelessness is what you know, how would you know to get out of it? Sure, there will be those really determined people who want the rags to riches story. They will seek the resources and get themselves out. But the majority aren't going to be motivated or know how to do this. If they are homeless, more than likely, education is not top priority.
I wrote a paper last year (with a group of girls) about homelessness in teens. What you have are young adults who are trying to survive. So, what do they do? Prostitute. Drug deliveries. Hang with the wrong people. Pregnancy. STDs/HIV. There are so many issues that deal with this population in particular....it's scary. Do you think that finding a job is on their mind? No. Survival is.
So what about the "old" guys? The guys you see on the street that have been on the street for a while. You wanna tell them to get a job? Ok...let's see. They may be illiterate. Do you think they have access to nice clothes for an interview? What about a shower? Resume paper? Do you think they have computer skills to make a resume? Do you think they even have skills to put on their resume? What if they have (and a lot do) mental health issues? Health issues? If I was homeless and had to do all this to get a job...I'd feel overwhelmed...wouldn't you?
Also...you know the women who you may think are lazy and don't want to work? They have 3 kids and "live off the government?" They may work part time. But let me tell you something: these women don't have a choice but to stay where they are. Sure, the government is paying their childcare while they work their part-time minimum wage job. But what's going to motivate them to get a better job? If they earn a dollar more per week , they lose their benefits. If they lose their benefits...they don't have childcare. They don't have food stamps. They have no support system in their life to help them while they try to get better.
And again...yes there are people who take advantage of the system. I'm very aware of this. But the majority of people who get help...really need it. And then then they are stigmatized by the people who do take advantage.
So...before you mutter the words "they should just get a job" just take a minute to think. This isn't a people problem - but a system problem. The system is set up in a way to make people dependent. There need to be systemic changes. I don't have the answers - I have some ideas. But...until the system changes and keeps people dependent on assistance, people who need the help...need the help. Don't stigmatize someone or think they are lazy.
PSA. :)
Saturday, January 14, 2012
Do Not Pass Go, Do Not Collect $200
Currently, my life is like a game of Monopoly. And just like any time I'm playing Monopoly, I lose.
So, we start on Go. We'd have the tophat (Sean), the yorkie (Tank) & thimble (me). (Note: I don't know why I like the thimble...I just do. I'm certainly not trying to support a female stereotype. I do not sew).
Anyway, the tophat & thimble decide to move to New Jersey (the starting point...or GO). The yorkie tags along, as he is essentially the child (obviously adopted because...a tophat and thimble making a baby?) (Yes, we do want children...just to clear that up)
We figure NJ deck of Chance cards were in our favor. It was unlikely we'd get those crappy cards in there where ya know..you have to pay money. Or go directly to jail. NJ will be great! So much to offer! So, we drive through Trenton - the obvious Baltic & Mediterranean properties in this story. But, we don't live far from Trenton. So, our apartment is the Oriental Avenue. It's not super-cheap & crappy, but it's nothing to write home about.
As we move along the Monopoly board, we get in to the Maroon properties. But, you know what's in the middle of those? The electric company. Who we pay every month and so far it hasn't been bad. But, this month, we rolled a high number. As we continue on, the orange & red properties are out of our reach. We'd like to live here - we just know it's not possible right now. I wish there was a real life Free Parking. I mean...as long as the Free Parking is MY rules - all Community Chest/Chance monies get thrown in the middle & if you land on free parking, you get that money. But, there is no free anything, including parking, in this part of the country.
The yellow, green & blue properties are certainly only in our dreams at this point. I look in the paper at houses in these areas...only to laugh. So, we are back at GO. We've been going around the board for 6 months now. There have certainly been no beauty contest winnings. And the bank certainly hasn't made any errors in our favor. In fact, it feels like we've only been landing on luxury & income tax spots.
After 6 months...we're done playing. We've sold all the properties we owned. We're out of options. Bankruptcy.
Thanks to student loan payments (private, not federal), credit cards & empty promises...we have no other choices. It's flight or fight. Sink or swim time. To keep our head above water, to actually be able to save money. to actually not have to buy gas & grocerices on credit...to actually start a family...we're making this move. It's a move I'm not proud of. But, it's the only move we have left. It's one of the most humbling experiences, so far. Since I won't be done with school for another year and a half (and my school schedule is pretty intense), this will help us get back on our feet. Once I graudate & work again, things will be better. I'm trying to see the positive side of this. Right now...I can't. But eventually...I will. And then I'll be ready to play Monopoly again. Maybe I'll win the next time. Or, at least live around Free Parking.
So, we start on Go. We'd have the tophat (Sean), the yorkie (Tank) & thimble (me). (Note: I don't know why I like the thimble...I just do. I'm certainly not trying to support a female stereotype. I do not sew).
Anyway, the tophat & thimble decide to move to New Jersey (the starting point...or GO). The yorkie tags along, as he is essentially the child (obviously adopted because...a tophat and thimble making a baby?) (Yes, we do want children...just to clear that up)
We figure NJ deck of Chance cards were in our favor. It was unlikely we'd get those crappy cards in there where ya know..you have to pay money. Or go directly to jail. NJ will be great! So much to offer! So, we drive through Trenton - the obvious Baltic & Mediterranean properties in this story. But, we don't live far from Trenton. So, our apartment is the Oriental Avenue. It's not super-cheap & crappy, but it's nothing to write home about.
As we move along the Monopoly board, we get in to the Maroon properties. But, you know what's in the middle of those? The electric company. Who we pay every month and so far it hasn't been bad. But, this month, we rolled a high number. As we continue on, the orange & red properties are out of our reach. We'd like to live here - we just know it's not possible right now. I wish there was a real life Free Parking. I mean...as long as the Free Parking is MY rules - all Community Chest/Chance monies get thrown in the middle & if you land on free parking, you get that money. But, there is no free anything, including parking, in this part of the country.
The yellow, green & blue properties are certainly only in our dreams at this point. I look in the paper at houses in these areas...only to laugh. So, we are back at GO. We've been going around the board for 6 months now. There have certainly been no beauty contest winnings. And the bank certainly hasn't made any errors in our favor. In fact, it feels like we've only been landing on luxury & income tax spots.
After 6 months...we're done playing. We've sold all the properties we owned. We're out of options. Bankruptcy.
Thanks to student loan payments (private, not federal), credit cards & empty promises...we have no other choices. It's flight or fight. Sink or swim time. To keep our head above water, to actually be able to save money. to actually not have to buy gas & grocerices on credit...to actually start a family...we're making this move. It's a move I'm not proud of. But, it's the only move we have left. It's one of the most humbling experiences, so far. Since I won't be done with school for another year and a half (and my school schedule is pretty intense), this will help us get back on our feet. Once I graudate & work again, things will be better. I'm trying to see the positive side of this. Right now...I can't. But eventually...I will. And then I'll be ready to play Monopoly again. Maybe I'll win the next time. Or, at least live around Free Parking.
Thursday, January 5, 2012
Hold up, weight a minute...
Let's talk about weight. I have too much of it.
It's been a life-long struggle for me. I'm not one of those people who was "always skinny" until after high school. I actually don't know what it feels like to be "skinny." I started gaining weight around 8 or 9 years old. I've tried several diets before.
The summer before my senior year of high school, I did the atkins diet. I felt great when I went back to school because I had lost some weight. But then school started, I starting seeing carbs again and it was all over. I continued to gain weight my freshman year of college. Mainly because a diet of spaghetti Os and Ramen Noodles does that. After I moved out of the dorms and in with my friend, Jeremy, we kind of got obsessed with Old Chicago. Good lord, I love Old Chicago. We would sometimes go two times a day and get the chicken tenders dinner, a cesar salad and cheesecake. TWICE a day.
Eventually we realized we had a problem and made up our own diet. And we both lost quite a bit of weight. Then...I started dating my ex. And got comfortable. And the weight came back. After I moved to KC, I gained even more weight because I was eating non-stop. It eventually came to a point where I said...enough is enough. I joined Weight Watchers.
I love Weight Watchers. I lost 60 pounds. I felt amazing. I then got a new job and got off the wagon. But I didn't gain a lot back right away. Maybe 10 pounds or so. Then...my ex and I broke up. But when I started dating, I still was thinner than I had been so I was getting dates! I felt good about myself! When Sean and I started dating, I slowly got off the wagon for good. Gained almost all the weight back. When we got engaged last November, I knew I wanted to lose weight for the wedding. So, I joined Weight Watchers again and lost 30 pounds.
That 30 pounds has since come back. I'm really tired of playing this game. I need to step up. I don't want my children to be overweight. Or see me overweight. I want to be active with them. And I want Sean & I to have a long life together.
So, we've started going to the gym again. I'm trying to watch what I eat. I would love to join Weight Watchers again, but can't swing it financially right now. But I have the information. I have the calculator. I can do it. I have to do it.
So, I'm on the journey, yet again. I just want to feel good about myself again. I've done it before and I know I can do it again.
It's been a life-long struggle for me. I'm not one of those people who was "always skinny" until after high school. I actually don't know what it feels like to be "skinny." I started gaining weight around 8 or 9 years old. I've tried several diets before.
The summer before my senior year of high school, I did the atkins diet. I felt great when I went back to school because I had lost some weight. But then school started, I starting seeing carbs again and it was all over. I continued to gain weight my freshman year of college. Mainly because a diet of spaghetti Os and Ramen Noodles does that. After I moved out of the dorms and in with my friend, Jeremy, we kind of got obsessed with Old Chicago. Good lord, I love Old Chicago. We would sometimes go two times a day and get the chicken tenders dinner, a cesar salad and cheesecake. TWICE a day.
Eventually we realized we had a problem and made up our own diet. And we both lost quite a bit of weight. Then...I started dating my ex. And got comfortable. And the weight came back. After I moved to KC, I gained even more weight because I was eating non-stop. It eventually came to a point where I said...enough is enough. I joined Weight Watchers.
I love Weight Watchers. I lost 60 pounds. I felt amazing. I then got a new job and got off the wagon. But I didn't gain a lot back right away. Maybe 10 pounds or so. Then...my ex and I broke up. But when I started dating, I still was thinner than I had been so I was getting dates! I felt good about myself! When Sean and I started dating, I slowly got off the wagon for good. Gained almost all the weight back. When we got engaged last November, I knew I wanted to lose weight for the wedding. So, I joined Weight Watchers again and lost 30 pounds.
That 30 pounds has since come back. I'm really tired of playing this game. I need to step up. I don't want my children to be overweight. Or see me overweight. I want to be active with them. And I want Sean & I to have a long life together.
So, we've started going to the gym again. I'm trying to watch what I eat. I would love to join Weight Watchers again, but can't swing it financially right now. But I have the information. I have the calculator. I can do it. I have to do it.
So, I'm on the journey, yet again. I just want to feel good about myself again. I've done it before and I know I can do it again.
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
NYE in Time's Squre (Alternative Title: WTF were we thinking?)
Being from the Midwest, I always thought that spending NYE in Time's Square would be so awesome! Such an experience! I thought that I would always just watch it on TV. Well, now that we live in Jersey, we thought hey! We have no plans! Let's go to Time's Square on NYE! No kids yet! Perfect timing!
Wrong.
We got on the 12:07pm train to NYC. We arrived in NYC around 1:30. I thought...hey, plenty of time to get a good spot. We started our usual 15 minute walk from Penn Station to Time's Square. About a block away, the police were redirecting people. So, we had to go down a block to continue going toward Time's Square. There were a LOT of people on the sidewalks - much more than usual. So, we take the incredibly long detour to get near Time's Square. We stand in front of a barricade with a few other people. Not long after, more people starting standing behind and next to us. Eventually, we were in THIS crowd.
And that crowd was pushy. Literally, pushing. I almost fell over a few times. Sean said he had never been more afraid of being trampled. And it was a real possibility. The police were yelling not to push, but of course no one was listening. The only entertaining part were some pigeons shitting on the people below.
Eventually, they set up an entry way. Everyone had to be checked. No back packs were allowed in. And of course, EVERYONE around us had back packs. We eventually got in the pit. And we were excited!
And then the people around us became huge assholes. A lot of people sat down, because...they wanted to take up more room? The longer we stood, the more annoyed we became. We got in to the pit around 3 or 330. Eventually, some entertainment started. And by entertainment, I mean some Spanish guy who sang the same 2 songs (in Spanish) 3 times each. And I don't mean someone in the crowd...it was someone who was on the stage (which we couldn't see). Then, they started playing general music. The people in front of us were sitting. The people behind us were pushing. The German guy next to me kept jumping and pushing me. Sean's face below is a pretty accurate depiction of how we felt.
At 6, Sean and I decided to leave. We didn't have it in us. Our backs and feet were hurting. We figured instead of standing for the next 6 hours near some jerks we'd go home and ring in the new year with Tank. And that's what we did. Before we left though, we did get to see the rising of the ball.
Happy New Year! I'm hoping 2012 will bring Sean and I much needed good fortune & luck. There are a few things I hope will happen - but am not ready to talk about just yet :) I am excited to get semester 2 & 3 (out of 4) of grad school done. I'm excited to visit home in March. And I'm excited to celebrate my one year wedding anniversary in June. And I, of course, am excited to continue writing on this blog.
Wrong.
We got on the 12:07pm train to NYC. We arrived in NYC around 1:30. I thought...hey, plenty of time to get a good spot. We started our usual 15 minute walk from Penn Station to Time's Square. About a block away, the police were redirecting people. So, we had to go down a block to continue going toward Time's Square. There were a LOT of people on the sidewalks - much more than usual. So, we take the incredibly long detour to get near Time's Square. We stand in front of a barricade with a few other people. Not long after, more people starting standing behind and next to us. Eventually, we were in THIS crowd.
And that crowd was pushy. Literally, pushing. I almost fell over a few times. Sean said he had never been more afraid of being trampled. And it was a real possibility. The police were yelling not to push, but of course no one was listening. The only entertaining part were some pigeons shitting on the people below.
Eventually, they set up an entry way. Everyone had to be checked. No back packs were allowed in. And of course, EVERYONE around us had back packs. We eventually got in the pit. And we were excited!
And then the people around us became huge assholes. A lot of people sat down, because...they wanted to take up more room? The longer we stood, the more annoyed we became. We got in to the pit around 3 or 330. Eventually, some entertainment started. And by entertainment, I mean some Spanish guy who sang the same 2 songs (in Spanish) 3 times each. And I don't mean someone in the crowd...it was someone who was on the stage (which we couldn't see). Then, they started playing general music. The people in front of us were sitting. The people behind us were pushing. The German guy next to me kept jumping and pushing me. Sean's face below is a pretty accurate depiction of how we felt.
At 6, Sean and I decided to leave. We didn't have it in us. Our backs and feet were hurting. We figured instead of standing for the next 6 hours near some jerks we'd go home and ring in the new year with Tank. And that's what we did. Before we left though, we did get to see the rising of the ball.
Happy New Year! I'm hoping 2012 will bring Sean and I much needed good fortune & luck. There are a few things I hope will happen - but am not ready to talk about just yet :) I am excited to get semester 2 & 3 (out of 4) of grad school done. I'm excited to visit home in March. And I'm excited to celebrate my one year wedding anniversary in June. And I, of course, am excited to continue writing on this blog.
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