It's like Melrose Place...except not at all

I hate my apartment complex. But you know the saying 'You get what you pay for'? Yeah, it's true, most of the time.

Sean and I moved out here blindly. We weren't able to look at apartments or anything, so we picked our complex based on the website and Sean's co-workers review of the area. Plus, it was the cheapest place we could find, which honestly was the biggest draw.

Anyway, we have some weirdos and assholes that live here.

Let's start with our upstairs neighbors. Category: Assholes. Things were fine when we first moved in. They even let us park the truck in their spot when we were moving in. Then, about 2 months after living here, we had this passive aggressive note that basically said to stop slamming the door at all hours of the night because it "shakes the building." Uh, really? We weren't slamming it, number one. Number two, we weren't up all hours of the night shutting the door. And number three...our door is shitty. You have to be a little forceful to get it to latch.

Also, we live in a one bedroom, 750 sq foot apartment. But, that doesn't stop our wonderful upstairs neighbors from hosting every holiday. And I'm not kidding. They have their family come over, which includes kids. And the kids run around all day. And their relatives stomp around like elephants. Last Thanksgiving was like that. Last Christmas we had to bang on the wall for them to shut up and then they have the nerve to ring our doorbell. Like we were going to answer. How about you not host your family when you live in a small ass apartment?

Our next door neighbor, Screamy or Loudy, is annoying. She talks loud on her phone all day. She tans in the common "yard" which is weird. Even when it's 70 degrees in September. She sits out on her yard chair and tans. She has a daughter and they make dance videos in the yard. She dresses like she's 13 although I'm pretty sure she's in her 40s.

We also have a neighbor who we call Curby. He sits on the curb next to the dumpsters every day and drinks a coke and smokes. He is super creepy. He also pees in the bushes, when he could just go in his apartment and pee.

Hoardy is our next neighbor. He's a hoarder. Legit. If you walk around to the back of the building, you know which patio is his because it's full of junk. Chairs, kitty litter containers, you name it. He also has two trucks that he keeps full of shit. I'm not sure either one runs. He also has like 147 plants on his front patio. He has a dog, but I'm not sure where the dog sleeps. I'm not sure where he sleeps.

Crazy Cat Lady also lives here. She put notes in everyone's mail box that said LOST CAT? CONTACT MY CRAZY ASS AT THIS NUMBER. (Not verbatim, of course). This bitch feeds strays. I mean, I love animals and all, but you don't feed strays. Cuz now these damn strays won't go away. For a while, she was feeding the cat next to a tree. It had a dish bowl for food and water. Well, someone else got fed up with it and threw the bowls in the street. So now? She keeps the bowls under her van. Because I mean, how else will a stray cat survive?

We have some redneck neighbors. But, unlike all of our other neighbors, they are super nice. We like them actually. She's always wearing sweats and he's always wearing camo. I think we're drawn to them because they remind us of home, lol.

Anyway, I so can't wait to move back to Columbia. At least it won't be blind. And I already know Columbia. Where to live. But more important, where NOT to live. Even if we have crazies as our neighbors in Columbia, at least we'll have more space and actual friends to vent to.

The "I" Word

Infertility.

There, I said it.

I've been afraid to use that word to describe my situation. Like, if I said it...it would change something. It would make me feel less capable. Less able to win the battle. But, I've been mostly afraid to say it because I've been in denial. But, clearly that's what we're dealing with here.

Our one year "anniversary" of trying to conceive (TTC) is coming up. I stopped the pill at the end of October last year. I never thought I'd be here...a year later, with no pregnancy, no baby. I certainly never thought I'd be here a year later, only 4 cycles under my belt and one miscarriage.

I try to think that everything happens for a reason. I mean, there has to be some reason for the frustration, tears and heartache. I know that when I finally do get that sticky/take home baby, it will all be worth it. Not that I wouldn't have before, but I'm going to appreciate every moment with my child. I just can't wait for it to be my time.

The past year has taught me a lot. Patience. Gratitude. I'm thankful that our insurance covers fertility treatments. That's been a blessing.

Anyway, so I'm now on my second cycle of Clomid. I took it days 3-7. On Friday, I had to go in for my monitoring ultrasound. I had several 11mm follicles and one 14mm follicle, so I wasn't quite ready yet. I had to go back yesterday for another ultrasound and I had a 17mm follicle (like last time)! I should ovulate within the next 5 days or so, so that's that.

I was recently asked why I write this blog. Why I share it. Most importantly, it's therapeutic for me. I can get my thoughts out of my head. The reason I share it is because I know there are many others out there going through what I'm going through. I hope that others stumble on to my blog and it helps them. Makes them feel like they aren't alone. I've gotten nothing but positive feedback, so it's nice to have that support as well.

So again...keeping my fingers crossed. Baby Ford in 2013!

Epiphany

You ever have one of those "ah-ha" moments? An "oh shit" moment? I had one today. But first, let me talk about my shitty week.

Y'all. It's been a shitty week. I'm still dealing with my emotions from the miscarriage. It doesn't help that I couldn't keep my mouth shut and told way too many people about being pregnant. It's really awesome telling a bunch of people you lost your baby. Ugh. Now I know for next time..

About 2 weeks ago, my uncle was in the hospital. He was pretty sick. He had an internal bleed but they weren't sure from where. Anyway, he got better! He went home! Everything was going well as far as I knew. But this week being the shittiest week ever, I should have known better.

My mom called me and let me know that my Uncle was falling. Having a hard time keeping himself up. So ended back up in the hospital and now he's in a nursing home in rehab. My mom told me he has been saying some bizarre things, some of which were very upsetting to my mom because they involved my grandparents. My uncle has had Schizophrenia most of his life. He's been very stable for years and years. I tried to explain to my mom that it wasn't really him talking and that his mental is obviously not stable and to ask the nursing home to keep an eye on him. Something isn't right, right now with him. I guess I'm thankful he's being monitored and not home alone.

But after I got off the phone with my mom, I cried. Again. For like the billionth time this week. The thought of my uncle in a nursing home breaks my heart. My uncle and I used to be really close. He'd watch me sometimes. I know that the nursing home is temporary. Or at least it should be. But from my own work experience, it seems that once people start to decline, they decline. Sure, some get better. I hope my Uncle is one of those people.

This is where my epiphany happened.

I've been in social work for a few years now and I've talked to families about putting their loved one in a nursing home. I'm currently in a psyc hospital at my internship. I talk to families every day about how their loved one is doing and their concern. Not that I didn't have empathy before...but now, it has clicked. I FEEL what they are feeling. I'm hoping this will make me a better social worker, But of course, I wish the epiphany had happened in a different way.

This is one of the many reasons I'm ready to go home. I feel like I'm needed there. I want to be there for my uncle and my mom and step dad. These next 7 months can't fly by fast enough...

Dear Uterus...

Tomorrow starts round 2 of Clomid. I'll be taking 100mg this month. Last time, I wrote a plea to my ovaries. This time, my uterus needs to be addressed.

Dear Uterus,

I know you had a good reason for doing what you did. But, can you please be on board this month? Ovaries are on board now. It's totally the cool thing to do. So please...help make me the happiest girl in the world, will ya? Thanks. Love ya!

Sarah