This is me. I think I was around 10 or 11 when this picture was taken. The Disney Shirt & giant glasses, in retrospect, may not have been the best look for me.
Something I don't talk about a whole lot is the fact that I was bullied as a child. When I was 8, my mom remarried and we moved. Which means I had to leave the school where I had friends to a new school that was much smaller. We moved in the middle of a school year, so I don't remember my few months at my new school too terrible. But as I got older, it got worse.
The town where I'm from...the Fourth of July used to be a huge deal. Everyone would go to the ballpark. There would be games for the kids (i.e. me at the time), BBQ, softball games and of course the big fireworks display at dusk. One year, they had horses for kids to ride around a circle. My step dad took me to ride the horse. Once I got on the horse and was riding it, some kid yelled "You're going to break the horse's back!" I went home and cried. Luckily, for me, we only lived a block or so away from the ball park.
I got teased in school. I'd get teased on the playground. In the halls. At lunch. Most of the time, the teases were not every day. Not constant. But they were consistent enough to make me feel self-conscious. A few years later, there were these two brothers that I rode the bus with. They teased me and harassed me constantly. Again, luckily for me, the ride home was short because they were the first drop-off. I would come home crying almost daily because these boys harassed me. I still don't know why I was picked on. Because I was an easy target, I guess. Eventually it got so bad my mom had to go to the school and tell the principal. It stopped from them after that. At least to my face. But there were still many days when I went home, crying.
(That's me in the middle, and still one of my fav pics ever)
As I got older, the bullying became less...again, at least to my face. There were still times, up until my senior year of high school, that it was to my face. By then, I didn't let it bug me as much. As an adult, I know that the years of bullying actually have had an effect on me. I'm very self-conscious. I constantly think I'm being judged by others. I second guess myself all the time. It's something that has improved, but I still have to work on it every day.
I am in no way comparing my experiences to some of the bullying that goes down today. When I read what some of these kids are capable of...it makes me sick. Because I know how awful my experiences were. And they were nothing comparitively.
But it really does get better. Once I got to college...it was like a breath of fresh air. I made friends who were interested in genuinely being my friend. I didn't get laughed at or teased. And now, I get complimented for my abilities at school & work, instead of teased and laughed at for my flaws. To look at the bright side...the bullying built my resiliency. I feel like I can take on anything that's thrown at me. I hope that I'm able to teach my children about the effects of bullying and encourage them to be friends with those who are bullied. But it does get better! You'll encounter assholes all throughout your life. At the end of the day, they are still assholes and you just have to keep on doing what you're doing. Surround yourself with good people and you'll feel enriched.
I'm lucky I have amazing people in my life.
